Howie is Dead

Let’s face it, the guy was so naive that he needed to be killed. I bitch a lot, and if you have a problem with it, quit reading. I’m done caring about others. Very rarely have they been there when I’ve needed them most. “God is always there.” Well here’s a fun little scoop boys and girls, He certainly has a done a poor job comforting me in times of need. I rarely hear Him anyways, and when I feel like shit is when I hear Him the least. I know I have it better than a lot of people, but when I play the pop some pills that don’t make me feel better game I feel like I have the right to be frustrated. Here’s the deal: I’ve had it with feeling like I do. Depression sucks, and I doubt it’s going to get better. I’m done lying around letting myself play the wounded animal card, now I’m going to just be angry. My parents tell me how to fix how I feel, and that almost makes me angrier. I’m not good. I’m an asshole. And I’m finally realizing it. I’m done doing things that are “good.” I don’t make a difference, and I no longer expect to. Maybe I should get over myself, huh? Well I’ve been trying to leave myself out of the mix, and now I’m doing stuff for me. Get used to it. The asshole is back.

Editors Note: This is not meant as an attack on any certain person, and there are obviously exceptions to every rule. I’m still mad, and I’m going to be mad for quite a while. I am no longer being weak. The walls are back up, and that’s the way it’s going to be. As for God, I’ve been having a hard time staying mad or happy with Him. If He wants to call me out on it, I’d love to be able to hear Him actually talk to me.