The Audacity of Confidence

I used to confident in who I was, or even my abilities. That’s long gone. I need others to validate me. I can’t get around the fact that people like me, and even love me, but I crave their attention. Heck, this could be considered a cry for attention, for people to comment. I don’t even know who I am anymore. God’s kid? To be honest, right now that doesn’t comfort me, because half the time I’m not even confident in that. Running away is always going to be in the back of my head anymore. I could be a writer. Because this stuff is so profound and changes the way they think. And because I’ve seen stuff that no one has ever had to face. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a walking coma. Every now and then I’ll move a finger or something, or have some brain activity, but really, there’s no hope. And too many commas in the previous sentence. So there are others who have felt like me. Great. That’s nice to know, but knowing that they never got “better” means I’m stuck with this. And I’ll never be able to do anything that’s big in my mind. Even though “taking the field” is supposed to make a difference. I may not be confident, but apparently I sure am proud, thinking that I’m destined to make a difference. Just like Hitler. Sometimes I feel like being in a coma could be easier.